"Candwich" -- The Sandwich in a Can



It's all over. Forget 2012, right now is the end of days. We're finished! Either that or America has finally gone bonkers.

If nutrition-less white bread smeared with salty processed peanut butter and sugar-sweetened grape jelly wasn't bad enough, go ahead and stuff it into a can.

Straight from Creedmoor Psychiatric Center comes the "Candwich," your favorite sandwich...in soda can.

Okay, it's not actually from Creedmoor, but the creator should be, especially since he is being investigated for dumping $145 million into the Candwich, instead of putting the money into real estate investments, like he was supposed to. But whatever, that's the boring part of the story, let's focus on the travesty - err, task - at hand.

Don't quote me on this, but like most canned foods, you got to figure the Candwich has to be loaded with salt and preservatives. But according to the website there are still plenty of great reasons to buy the Candwich.


* "Candwich is the perfect product for people on the go such as students, construction workers, soccer moms and outdoor enthusiasts."

* "Unique packaging offers protection while backpacking, camping, biking, and other activities."

* "Easy store display - does not require refrigeration."

* "Candwich has a long shelf life that is perfect for emergency food storage needs in the event of natural disasters."

* "Three great tasting products are available as single can, four-pack or case displays."

My favorite is the natural disaster one. Yeah, because if the nuclear warheads come the first thing I need is a sandwich in a can - not! First I'm grabbing some water, then astronaut ice cream, then my cat...then my girlfriend.

But if you're looking at the Candwich, saying, "Gee whiz, this is awesome, I don't have 60 seconds to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and this is the perfect time saver." You need your head examined.