Washington D.C. Expels Chocolate Milk from Schools
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Soda Head

Here's your typical school lunch: over-boiled green beans, Tater Tots, Salisbury "steak," and your choice of chocolate, strawberry, or plain milk - oh, and that plastic foil-sealed cup of "fruit" juice.

How yummy, why don't you just cut out the middle man and dump it all directly into the toilet?

Maybe that's what Washington D.C. is thinking. Starting last week, local schools will no longer offer students sweetened/flavored milk, like chocolate and that "strawberry" concoction.

The expulsion of flavored milks is part of D.C.'s attempt to improve the nutritional quality of food offered at its public schools; which will also include the testing of low-sugar cereals and other more nutritious foods.

Students will now have to choose between 1% of skim milk.

Listen, chocolate milk doesn't really come from chocolate cows. Dairy producers pound it with sugar, so it's a logical move to ban it from schools, especially since we live in a time of heightened concern about what kids eat.

You can't serve kids sugar milk and say it's healthy because they're getting a daily serving of dairy - that makes school officials look stupid.

I'm in the "milk is for cows, not humans" contingent, so I'd like to see schools stop offering milk altogether, but since America can't pry its lips off the udder, I say drop the 1% too, and only offer water, skim milk, and 100% fruit juice.

Washington D.C. is hoping to get more funding to help raise the nutritional standards of their schools above U.S. government baselines.

But many schools still sell goodies far worse than chocolate milk, like churros, snack cakes, and Otis Spunkmeyer muffins. Here's a tip, keep an Otis Spunkmeyer muffin in your car, because if you're ever running a quart low on oil, just squeeze that bad boy into the tank.